After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to our large local Walmart store. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse and browse and browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the store:
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We can no longer tolerate this behaviour. We have now been forced to ban him from the store. Our complaints against your husband, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":
He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: He dripped a trail of ketchup on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
Set up a tent in the sports department and told shopper's children he would let them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department, to which twenty children obliged.
In our sports section picked up a hunting rifle and asked the shop assistant in a threatening voice where the calming medicines were.
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited couple of minutes, and then yelled very loudly, 'O God! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.